Depression is.....

This is to anyone who has been diagnosed with depression or to anyone who knows someone who suffers from depression......

Depression is:

REAL......it's not a mood.....for some it's working through a rough patch in life.....for others it's managing it for a lifetime......

Sinking so low you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel anymore.....

Wanting more than anything to feel normal.....


Trying so hard to dig out, but you slip all the way down again.....


Trying really, really hard not to cry......all the time......


Finding every excuse under the sun not to attend a function......screening phone calls because you just can't "fake it till you feel it" anymore.......


Wanting to be a Christian who represents my Lord with excellence.....


Striving to be the "right" wife....


Desiring to function so that my kids won't "know".....and not wanting to screw them up....


Wondering if they all really, really need my crazy in their life.....


Wishing you could fulfill your families expectations.....let's face it I will never be good enough to be the daughter or sister that fits into "their" box.....


Setting out the Halloween decorations to try to feel festive, setting out the Thanksgiving decorations to try to feel thankful, setting out the Christmas decorations to try to get into the Christmas spirit.......


Wanting desperately for family and friends not to judge me, not to tease me, and not to give me crap for taking medication......wanting it so desperately that you stop taking meds to seek approval.......then the cycle slowly starts over again.......


Wishing desperately that people would understand that you can't "snap" out of depression, there are ups and downs, there are times when coping is not a problem, but there are also times when coping is the hardest thing to do......

Sometimes alienating friends and family.........


I will say this.....I'm thankful for my Lord who never ever gives up on me.....everyday he gives me a brand new start.......


I'm thankful to my husband as we work through our "crazy" together.....


I'm thankful for my sweet boys who love me, just becuase......


I'm thankful for several most precious friendships!!! These girls, who amongst their own busy lives and own turmoil, cheer me on, pray me on, talk me on.....they see beyond their own bubble in life and know when a friend is hurting...they take time they don't have to invest in helping a friend through a really rough spot in life.....


I'm thankful for prayers.....medication.....therapists......and the ugly, honest truth!!!

Hi friends!!! I'm on my way out the door....it's been a while since my last post....but we've started football so we leave right after work and get home after dark!!!

Anyway, I have lost 5 pounds!!! I am thrilled!!! My clothes are starting to fit again and it's nice to go in the closet and have some fun with my choice of clothes!!!

I weighed yesterday which was exactly 3 weeks from the first weigh in.....I have decided that this is a slow journey and the road to maintaining, which has always been my struggle, will be a life long journey!!! I am going to continue to post 1x/week FOREVER!!! This will keep me accountable!!! I'm going to try to always have something informative and helpful to share when I post a blog!!

Today's "info" is the new app I have found for my Iphone....and it's free!! I stumbled across it late last week and I LOVE IT!!! It's called "lose it". It is a great tool to help lose weight or maintain. It has really helped me this past week.....so now I'm logging my food and it tally's my calories (vs. Weight Watchers, which counts points).

Check it out....it's quick, easy, and free!!!

Bye for now......Have an awesome day!!!

Can I just say YOGA is HARD!!!! My friend and neighbor took me to her gym for a yoga class last night.....after about 2 minutes I wanted to make a bee line for the door. Somehow I survived. Man it was crazy hard, but also felt so good to lengthen and stretch my muscles. It made me much more aware of how my muscles must be all balled up and shortened driving in a car all day!!! My friend is a certified instructor and we decided we might do our yoga sessions at her house from now on. (At one point the instructor did a pose and I literally said out loud, "come on, you've got to be kidding"......yikes!!!)

O.k....wrapping up since I have to dart out for work....here is the "list" I read in a medical magazine in a doctor's office......it's the chic from eat, pray, love.....

10 things to do every day for mental, spiritual, and physical well being:

1. read something
2. write something
3. don't eat too much
4. drink water
5. stretch
6. take a walk
7. spend some time in silence
8. send a message of love to someone
9. mess around in the garden (although I don't have a garden, I'm going to buy a basil plant and cilantro plant tonight....will that count?)
10. floss

Enjoy and have an awesome Friday!!!
p.s. down 4 pounds!!!!

"SOMEONE" (JLB) reminded me that she hadn't noticed a post since last Friday......and since I am over halfway to the 28 days.....I'd better keep on it. That "SOMEONE" also told me that I probably should have passed on Taco Bell and a Twix yesterday.......darn her!!!

We had company and a baseball tournament over the weekend......my eyes were blurry Monday morning!!!

I fell off the bandwagon a bit Sunday night as I hadn't eaten since 11am and it was 7pm.....I should know better.....let's just say there were beers involved and Mexican food. Monday night was decompress time and the day and evening had been great (re: eating and exercise) until the boys came in around 8:30 and I fixed them dinner. I mindlessly chatted with them about football and mindlessly nibbled my way to waaaay to full!!! Bummer!!

As of Sunday am, I had lost 3 pounds.....I am thinking right now it is about 2-3 pounds....due to a couple of bad days.

Once again today is a new day!!! I think overall I am learning that this really isn't a "DIET", this is a new beginning (yes, there have been many "new beginnings") of healthy eating, treats that are few and far between.....the twix was the first treat in a while.....drinks that are fewer.....not scarfing chips and queso when eating Mexican food.....like I said a while back, they are not "never" foods, but they are also not an "every time" food.

My goal is to lose a total of 10 pounds.......I realize that I have 12 days left to my birthday!! If I could lose a TOTAL of 5 by then, it will be a great START to continue this 10 pound journey. I want to be realistic and healthy on this journey!!

I need to remember to take one day at a time and be proud of the steps and choices I make every day......when I "fall off"......no condemnation...."His mercies are new every day".....I also need to be merciful to myself and start the next day "NEW"!!!

I have come across a "list" (which is right up my ally) in a magazine article that is helping me to take care of ME every day......emotionally, spiritually, and physically. (I'll share my fav list tomorrow on my blog!!!) This helps me to be a better wife, mom, daughter, sister, aunt, co-worker, etc.

Funny.....thinking back to yesterday.....I didn't take time yesterday morning for my little am routine of starting my day right.....and look at my choices for eating.....hhmmmmm.....I bet there is a connection!!! I'm embarrassed to say I even had lunch and dessert packed in my trunk that would have been 7 pts, instead I chose my crutch of Taco Bell and a candy bar????? 16pts???? WHAT????? I think there is a definite connection!!!! I was also so sluggish, I could hardly drive, and on the phone with my girl Nesha, I think I yawned 99 times!!!

The dots are connecting!!! Thanks friends for loving me and encouraging me!!! Thanks JLB for the yucky part of the truth that I need to see and hear......that's what a sweet sis in law is for!!!

WEll....it's Fabulous Friday!!! Just a quick word before I'm out the door for work!!!

I survived......I made it....for the first time I fasted. Only by the grace of God of course!! Anyone that knows me, knows that this is a true statement.

I have to say, not only did I spend my thinking and praying about our country and it's leaders, but when I was interacting with others it made me more aware of my mouth, my thoughts, and my actions. It was nice to not obsess on what the next meal will be!! We'll see how it goes for that day next week!!!

I even sat with a friend at Alamo Cafe during lunch and did not eat anything!! That is one of my favorite places to go eat, even since childhood!!! Now that is a MIRACLE by the Holy Spirit.

Mom's favorite verse, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Phil 4:13

Have a Fabulous Friday!!!

Tonight my eyes are towards tomorrow.....and taking my focus off myself for the day!!!

Really that's where it should be everyday.

My friend from Georgetown has a blog....... marisarickerson.blogspot.com She is a teacher and an author.......she has completely inspired me to fast in order to turn my focus to the current crisis our country is facing morally and economically. I'll admit, I try to somewhat bury my head in the sand, about what all we face as a nation.......but it's coming very, very soon......and Marisa is right, we must have a revival.

My immediate revival is a personal commitment to fast for one day per week over the next three weeks......my goal is to no longer "bury my head in the sand". The first and most proactive thing I can do to take action is to be a prayer warrior for BIBLICAL TRUTH AND PRINCIPLES for our country!!!

That will be my focus.....I'm calling it: "THRIVING THURSDAY".

We'll call this one "the little engine that could"!!!

That's how I feel after one week of "losin" it and all that's lost is ONE pound????!!!!!! Anyway, the book has a happy ending, so that's what I'm hangin' around for......this week would be "I think I can, I think I can.....chugga chugga....."

O.k.....enough of that!!!

I had a mini bagel (2pts) with a "shmear" of cream cheese (1pt) for breakfast....

lunch was Olive Garden with clients....I had the capellini pomodoro (sp?) ......and I ate all of it???.....(10pts) with the salad (2pts) and their low fat dressing (2pts)......

I came home and had a few leftover bowtie pastas (2pts) and a string cheese(1pt)....oops I forgot and an oreo bar (1pt).....(somehow I was staaaarving when I came in)....then when the ravenous starvation subsided (this tally is not looking so whippy) I fixed my supper....my famous (to me only) homemade bean and cheese chalupas (5), but those were so good, I needed just a smidge of something else.....so I pulled out the baked lays (2pts) with some sour cream and salsa (2pts).

Finally, the frenzy seemed complete except that I needed a tiny something sweet...so I ate some of those "magical dark chocolate blueberry/acai covered thingys from costco" (4pts), which I put the rest in a ziplock and sent home with my mom.........AND I'll not purchase those "thingys" EVER AGAIN!!!

Now you are seeing an ugly glimmer into what takes place in my tum......and on my tum!!!

I just did the tally and it's not too pretty......you'll have to add for yourself to see the damage of my feeding frenzy.

On a better note, I was able to visit with and encourage one of my case manager's (a client) who is joining Weight Watchers tonight. That was nice!!

On an even better note, my pants did not feel as tight today and I was feeling pretty confident UNTIL (it's not a better note anymore....) I remembered that these were my new fabulous, bargain pants that I just got from GAP......A SIZE bigger than my normal size......whatever!!!

Soooooo.....off for a little jog and some sweet, skinny dreams!!! :-)